3. Sweat on Me, Baby

Act I Scene 1.1  (Huh? 1.1???? - Chill, this is an electronic medium.)

Lights up, stage left...
Inside a gaily striped cabaña off the coast of some unnamed Latin American country where you should probably drink tequila or cerveza rather than the local water unless you want to be paying homage to the porcelain goddess for the duration of your holiday.

URSULINE WINKLE DUMONT, tanned, nude, and five-ten even without heels, lies face down on an ultra-fabric-softened terry cloth bath sheet, which covers a moderately decent knock-off of a Louis XVI chaise lounge. A handsome, toned, young man, with brown skin glistening in the beams of light which pierce the netting of the cabaña's roof, massages Ursuline's feet. A handsome, sculpted, young man, with his lighter brown skin also glistening in the beams of light which pierce the netting of the cabaña's roof, massages Ursuline's shoulders.

If Ursuline Winkle DuMont was a sophisticated woman, (filthy rich doesn't necessarily mean sophisticated, look at Al Pacino in Scarface) the phrase menage a trois might come to mind. However, since Ursuline grew up behind a deep-fried bull testicle plant in Gonads, Oklahoma, we'll call it a threesome.

URSULINE

(Aria)

Oh, José?

FIRST YOUNG MAN

(Baritone)

My name is Bill.

URSULINE

Oh, Pédro?

SECOND YOUNG MAN
(Tenor)
My Name is Fred

URSULINE
Oh, Boys...

TWO YOUNG MEN
(In 2-part Harmony)
Now You're Talkin' Sweetie
But if you tip us right
At the end of the night
You can call us Sylvester and Tweetie

URSULINE
Well dig in, boys...
There's a lot of me left to knead
So, at the end of the night
If you do it just right
You'll get ten times more than agreed

ALL
(in 3 part harmony)
Panting, heavy breathing and moaning...

URSULINE
(that really high note that only great sopranos can hit)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......
YES!
Sweat on me, Baby
Sweat!

An impish gray-haired LITTLE MAN, a waiter wearing flip-flops woven from dried banana leaves and carrying a wooden tray, steps through the cabaña door. Ursuline thinks he looks a lot the the How Are Ya guy at the SeemsFree store closest to her house. Normally, someone of her financial resources would never enter a SeemsFree store, but since she and her sisters own the freakin' company...

LITTLE MAN 

(so as not to confuse him with the waiter in scene 1)

(Basso Profundo)

Can I get you a margarita, Señora?

Perhaps a daiquiri, or cosmopolitan?

A Manhattan?

A Drambuie?

Or one of those things with a fan?

URSULINE

Just water?

LITTLE MAN

Do you know where you are Señora?

Nobody drinks water here.

URSULINE

Bring me water,

It's water I crave

If I drink water at home

I'll end up in a grave.

Please, I beseech you

It's water I need

You can touch my body...

Just bring water with speed.

Lights dim...